i needed to get that outta my system. the odds were so close to none. as i set my heart to flit and float like a happy butterfly, oblivious to the little bit of me that's still hoping for some happy times with you, God reminds me of your existence, and God reminds you of mine. there's a good reason i'm God fearing. but today, i didn't find what happened very funny.
in the middle of what is quite possibly the busiest MRT station in the entire system (city hall) on a weekday evening, during rush hour, as everyone rushes to dinner, or home, or somewhere to shop, i bump into you. we were probably a few doors apart on the same fucking train. as i chat on the phone and alight the train, i glance to the side and you stood out. i turned around as i travelled up the escalator to make sure i got the right person. i did. and i stopped at the gantry to say hi to you. and you asked where i was heading. in my impossibly high heels, i was tottering off to catch my dance (which was interesting by the way). i felt soooo torn apart when i saw you. i was hoping to get through some time not thinking of you. not doing anything that might remind me of you. and maybe someday, i'll get over you. but no. thank you God. i've always believed in You. You don't always have to remind me You know.
i panicked. so bad. i think i left abt 5 missed calls on athena's phone in my crazy brisk-walk-almost-run to the esplanade. i was scrolling through my phonebook for nobita's number when athena called back. and i started ranting and raving and mumbling and muttering and not breathing and speaking at the speed of light. the words just came tumbling out my mouth. to everything athena said, i mumbled something in return. i even asked her what God is trying to tell me. seriously. i lost control and it didn't help wei was late and i was thoroughly confused with what the usher was muttering about their entry policy. and i was not in the mood to process all that stupid entry talk by the way. my mind was so focused on why why why?
why was it i saw her as i was in the middle of telling o malley about NVP? (the fucking irony)
why do i constantly bump into her when i least expect to, and when the odds are soooo low? in school, if i had hung around the chatterbox a minute longer, i'd have completely missed her. if i had managed to hail a cab today, i'd have missed her too.
why does she stop my heart, and send my mind down a spiral?
i hope she's wondering too, hard, why she always bumps into me in the most unlikely of situations.
and yes, i admit i'm a wuss when it comes to you. i really am. maybe someday soon, i'll pluck up the courage to call you and ask you out for dinner. but not yet. i'm giving you time. and i'm giving me time.
(i'm still gonna flit and float like a happy butterfly, and try to be oblivious to the growing bit of me that harbours hope. yes o malley, i have changed. and i hope that deters you.)
